stop to smell the roses

FOCUSING RULES

2007-08-31T22:54:00.000+08:00

Shuwei, stay focus.

Now here's some ground rules:
i) at least 2-3 hours of mugging per night.
ii) 6hours on wednesday; wed is mugging day.
iii) at least 5-6hours of sleep per night.
iv) NO reaching hall later than 10pm every night!
v) MOST IMPTLY dont get distracted, no boys. (: LOL.

I wonder if this list will actually work.

Elections!(:

2007-08-26T18:14:00.000+08:00

Guess what? *hint: it's about the elections.

No, I didn't win la.

LOL, I lost to Jason by 1 vote! 0.O

He's got 87 votes and I had 86.

Aiya, nevermind one la, I'm actually not disappointed.

There's another interview segment you know. (;

Andy has got a few votes lesser than Kevin too. ):

Alrighty I'm starting to feel the pressure on in school.

EVERYONE ELSE SEEMS SO MUCH SMARTER THAN ME IN LIT CLASS!

Bloody darn scary seriously.

Every week's work is like a mountainous terrain, not just in its capacity but in all sense of its sheer difficulty to scale it.

At least I'm keeping up with it. Not behind it.

I'm actually listening to my MP3 now, singing and trying to destress. =x
(Explains why the skies are grey.)

My og wants to go sing song tmr at Chevron, but I'm not that keen on the idea...
Where got time to study like that?
(Utterly superbly pure singlish.)

BROOODY

2007-08-21T00:42:00.000+08:00

Im still very brooody today,
over so many things I guess.

I'm so displeased with my performance for the rally just now.

I'm finding it hard to concentrate to do work now and its already what? 1245am?

I've not done any work today again.

Guess I shouldnt stay in hall.

I don't want to burn my weekends again.

And I just realised my eye candy#1 has lotsa admirers! 0_o

okay I promised myself I'll steer clear of this, no more proactively talking/looking for eye candy#1 or #2.

I'm trying very hard, after all both are reeeeeeeeeeally tall like 1.82m at least. >.<

Moody

2007-08-15T20:11:00.000+08:00

It's been a looooooooooooong time since I last updated.

I'm actually excited that school has started! =D

I'm a little depressed tonight though, I'm not sure why.

My heart feels quite heavy.

Mummy gets me all upset whenever she tells me I can't handle stress.

I suppose since she's one of the people that knows me best, it must be true.

But really school work is very very very frightening at this stage,
I'm not sure if it's I'm paranoid or it's just my super super strong urge to want to succeed well this time for my studies.

Seriously, even literature ain't some easy walk in the park now for me.

I can't quite forgive myself for whatever that has happened last year to be honest and seeing HER in school provokes this overwhelming drive to want to disregard everything else just to succeed well in my studies.

On a lighter note, I've got my eye candy in school to entertain me. =D
Although I don't see him often but... (: at least it distracts me away from this over zealous drive to succeed.

I think I've got a fetish for super tall guys. =D

AND... Trust me, he's one good looking boyish chap. >.<

And I joined the HSSmaincom selection thingy, keep ur fingers crossed. I'm not sure if I really want it and whether I can cope with that duty cuz... afterall my piority is still my homework.

Aiya, don't think so much already. Just take it and try. =)

Alright, I'm off to mug my psychology textbook again and HL104. (: Toodles!

DROP DEAD GORGEOUS CARROT CAKE. =D

2007-08-03T00:27:00.000+08:00

Hi, I'm back after such a loooooooooooooooong time.

So much has happened during the past few weeks & I think one of the best things that occurred is the looming sense of growth, indepence and my new found friends from the HSS camp. (:

RAMUH SO ROCK MY SOCKS. (:

I just met up with Andy today to pass him the brownies I baked for his 21st birthday celebration later tonight.

Guess what? He bakes too! =D

And he passed me a slice of the carrot cake he made, OMG, it so rock my socks even more.

He placed icing on it and the icing had patterns on top of it. REALLY PRO. ^.^

The texture was not too dry nor moist, perfect and the sweetness of the icing offsetted the walnut bitter flavour, I'm not a fan of walnut lah.

He put carrot, pineapple and walnut.

I really want that recipe from him. (:

My brownies really cant compete with his carrot cake man.

I concede defeat, willingly.

I shall attack that platter later tonight, really really fiercely.

Seeya soon!

2007-07-15T23:27:00.000+08:00

I'm utterly utterly exhausted from the past few days of doing housework & mad shopping. x)

Yea, just here to say a little farewell to my blog for 5 days before seeing her again.

I'm going for the HSSFOC2007 camp tmr and...

I'm... Excited & Apprehensive I guess. 0_o

x) I'm going to definitely stay on for the full 5days & have fun, even though I barely know any one whose going for the camp!

Toodles Darlings, I'll seeya guys soon again. :)

ps: Thanks Gwee for lending me the bag! xD It's fits everything just nice & it's HUGE! 0_o

pps: Thanks to Jun & Ning for a fun saturday of shopping madness & lugging the ENORMOUS printer around, hehe! :)

She's the housewife-in-training. ;p

2007-07-12T23:31:00.000+08:00

Today's date 12 July is very highly significant to me, in many ways I can't quite explain.

It's darkly prophetic though that I mentioned about one being able to break my dreams & not my spirit. Well, sometimes you just have to realise it's a form of self-fulfilling prophecy too.

Here's a short prose I wrote to honour this date;

& so a year would have marked this day,
look where a year has bought us all
& then laugh at the folly of it all.

Alright, enough about that doom & gloom of the date.

My Maid has been sent home today.

I can't quite explain what I feel..?

A sense of freedom strangely is the one that rings out loud the strongest amongst the cacophony of emotions like excited, fear, sadness & yes, even guilt.

Why Guilt?

My Mum refused to tell Gladys, my domestic helper, that she wanted to send her home till the actual day itself.

It seems all rather inhumane to me you know, it's after all her livelihood but Mum kept telling me it's a pure act of necessity.

One act of necessity which I can understand but at the same time, I just don't feel good doing it.

Life's going to take a different route and turn from now & everything has got to be done on our own.

Aiya, we can one la.

It's just strange I guess cuz I've been too used to having a stranger live in my own house and all.

Aye, I can't quite explain what I'm feeling now.

In any case, as I'm typing I'm waiting for the washing machine to complete it's washing cycle of the clothes. Then I'm going to hang the clothes then zzz...

Heh. Your can't imagine me doing housework huh? (Neither can Hui Ning though! ;p)

Well, please turn your imagination gene on cuz it's true! (:

Anyway, I gotta sweep & mop the entire house tmr.
& I'll learn how to iron tmr night. >.<

Oh yea! and I had my first driving lesson today.

OMG, I think I'm quite slow & funny, my driving instructor, Francis, kept laughing at me.

I swear I asked him very innocuous questions about driving only!
But apparently it rendered me some sort of blur pok case already.

Heh heh. I drove for a few rounds though. (:

I've got another lesson tmr afternoon & we'll see... (:

highhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2007-07-03T23:31:00.000+08:00

OMG OMG OMG.

It's a little mad.

I was kinda highhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh last night. =X

I kept giggling and we were doing stupid what-nots.

I was so not drunk, just high. Very high.

okay, so it started out like this:

We met at Dhoby Ghaut for Huilin's birthday celebration and headed to Fish & Co at the glass house there for a meal.

I'm not sure how or what happened but We later ended up Winnie's house & drinking Absolut Peach diluted with sprite.

Jules left early before the drinking started cuz she wasn't feeling too good & had school the next day.

Darn. I can't hold my liquour well.

I was woozy after 2 and a half drinks and when I downed the 3rd or 3 and a half, whooooo.... I started giggling and became deliriously happy.

Winnie & Wan Ting kinda went in the same state as I did.

So the 3 of us were like erm giggling, falling all over the place, giving chaste pecks to our birthday girl and Winnie any how grope people lah.

Hahhaha! x)

Anyway, I really should build up my drinking capacity a bit more. This is pathetic.

I can't really remember the details. >.<

I cabbed home with Ros that I do know.

And... I'm so glad we were drinking at someone's house instead of out at some pub.

Heh.
Alcohol is bad, really bad especially for girls.

You'd never know what you're doing. =X

ps: Between us 5 we finished 1 litre of absolut peach. >.<
pps: omg, yes, I remembered now, I tried to blog last night but I was too conked out.
ppps: Thank Goodness my parents were asleep when I went home otherwise... I'll die lah.
pppps: And other reasons why you shouldn't drink so much.... i) it's hard to sleep ii) you get weird dreams. I dreamt that Tommy went to NTU eng with me & we were a dating couple!!!!!!! 0_0 And MarkTan was so happy about it and gloating over it in the dream. >.<

2007-07-03T01:03:00.000+08:00

Ahhhaahhaha, Happy birthday huikijn! (:

2007-07-03T01:01:00.000+08:00

Oh bloody helll.......

I don't know how I did it but I'm home.. super groggy now........

crap... I kinda remember & know what I'm doing yet I dont reeally care...............

Bleahs.

The Secret of Happiness. (:

2007-07-02T00:56:00.000+08:00

Happiness. x)

Yes, what exactly does it mean to you?

I realise that most of the time people blog about stuff
they're unhappy about to whine & complain.

To be fair, they call it their outlet to
funnel their unhappiness and channel their sorrow.

I do that too.

In fact I do it rather often.

I feel a great change of heart tonight
and I really want to deviate from the
usual nonsencial grudges and complains we hold and write about.

I wrote a little poem like thing here
which I shall title simply as
The Simple Happiness.

The Simple Happiness

Some spend a lifetime yet never seek what they yearn.

Some know their purpose from whence they're born.

Others grope blindly in the dark & in an instant grasp it all.

In a beautiful instant, grasp it all.

I suppose this is what happiness means. x)

To look beyond the frontier
and delve into the heart of it all,
to know you're beautiful, one, the same
and yet all so different in many beautiful ways.

Its a celebratory act of life;
to know you're different, yet also as similar,
but loved just the same.

To know how to Love & appreciate yourself
and then extend the same for all around.

Life's beautiful, you see,
and just as short as the miracle
beauty spectre of a darting star in the skies.

It's all there in its glorious splendor.

& it only happens,
IF you choose to see it. xD

The whole of the poem is to remind you
that perhaps the so-called elusive happiness
can very easily be found and obtained
by looking into yourself to fulfil your soul urges.

I guess I would define soul urges ideas
the need to Love and be Loved. (:

(I also played with the ideas of "greatness thrust upon them".)

Tell me which human being doesn't need that?

It's just a fundamental and natural human
instinct, isn't it?

Yes, why all these talk about happiness?

(Which pretty much isn't a subject people talk
about often with much gusto and optimism strangely.)

I've been reading "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne.
And it is by far,
the MOST INSPIRATIONAL
INSPIRATIONAL BOOK
I've read. xD

Seriously, you might ask.

Yes, seriously Seriously. xp

If I could afford it,
I'd buy a book each for all my friends. (:

(But, of course, I can't.)

So do get it yourself, okay? ;p

Well, The Secret may be familiar and cliched in some ways,
but it does serve it's purpose to remind & guide us.

I'm stil learning how to apply The Secret
& knowing my wishes will be fulfilled. (:

I did something that made me feel all warm & fuzzy today
and really genuinely happy. x)

I spent an evening at the Serangoon Gardens with Jules today.

What made it so special, you might ask?

I decided to organise a small mini-impromptu foodie fiesta
to celebrate Jules's first day of school tomorrow.

I guess the sad part was that
Roslin and Wan Ting couldn't join us,
but it's also fine cuz...
It's good to have some one-on-one downtime with people too. (:

We pigged out with all our favourites at Chomps,
sambal stingray, sugar cane, chicken wing,
chilli sotong and rojak.

Then we headed to our favourite Coffee Bean outlet
at Gardens, talked and laughed the night through.

I gave her a small (mushy >.<) note that I've written

and her favourite cadbury black forest chocs.

I just wanted to get her hyped up for James Cook Uni,
let her know its fine wherever she goes
and that her friends still care very much for her. x))

I don't know why I did what I did,
but I really wanted to
and I'm glad I did. (:

Happiness to me means

being able to Love and appreciate yourself

and in turn knowing how to extend that to others

to bring a smile to their faces too.

I think I might just burst of pure genuine giddy joy tonight soon. (:

Good night and may you find what's the Happiness you want
when you look upon the depths of your (not-so) grubby soul! ;p

ps: It's because of Moments like this that
drives me to pursue a career in
teaching, counselling and social work. x))

MY DARLING NOKIA 5700! x)

2007-06-27T00:48:00.000+08:00

Let me introduce you to the latest member of my rapidly expanding erm items in my bag:

TADA! (:

yes, can see my fingers holding the handbook of the phone.
why a picture of the picture of the phone?

cuz I can't use my phone to take my phone's picture right????

(unless I use mirror la)

I guess there'll be more picture deluges to brighten this place up! x)

It's so coincidental but there's a review in the papers today about this phone model and I must agree with the review.

The middle button is kinda unresponsive and the picture quality ain't great, but the saving grace lies in its design as well as music function. (:

WAHAHAHA! I think I'm mad sometimes.

ps: I'm currently addicted to using this: x as in x) or x( or xD or xp. Heh, heh, you get what I mean yea? xp

The Phone-less days Vs The New Phone

2007-06-26T00:38:00.000+08:00

Oh man, it's started to rain, I'm cold, having a flu still & sleepy... Zzz...

I shall try to make this fast and short. (:

Good for ur right? Since my entries tend to the long-ish side.

Miss Lum finally has a new phone!!! x)

& the number's very easy to rmb and lovely too.
(Actually it was picked by Dad, I didn't want to the number at first
cuz it was too easy for people to remember. xp)

(If you probe further I shall tell you: "Eh, number too easy to remember,
then how to test whether the Guy remembers ur no ie concerned about you!")

(WAHAHA! xp KIDDING I SWEAR!)

Okie, its the Nokia XpressMusic 5700! (: AND it's in white and red! (white and green, i'd love it more! xp)

I'm still slowly taking my Time to type in the contacts for my hp and mass sending the message.
(I did my family, closest friends, primary school friends, teachers and colleagues first. Next, I needa type my sec school friends & jc buddies.)

Actually I don't really mind the Phone-less days.

It's good to be uncontactable sometimes, you know. x)

I find it very hard to decline people sometimes when I don't want to go out.

I feel it goes along the lines of like snubbing people.

I'm just that sort of person that's able to stay home the entire day lah...
and its days consecutively too! =x

I don't like to give the reason I don't feel like going out to people cuz...
it just doesnt feel like a legitimate reason to give.

So I end up giving tons of excuses. Sigh.

White lies. But Still...

Baking Fever & the first Intermediate Belly Dance lesson

2007-06-17T21:29:00.000+08:00

Okay first thing first, my phone has died. So don't bother trying to sms or contact me anymore via my hp. Try my home number, better luck there yea? (:

Anyway, any suggestions as to which brand/model of phone is nice? (:

Right back on track for today's entry...

Ahh... If you know me well, you know I get bouts of mad fevers here & there.

I know the writing/literature/shakespeare fever hasn't burned out, the flames that have ignited years ago are still going strong. =)

Volleyball madness kinda goes on & off.

I enjoy *belly dancing but I'm not that fanatical.
*more about this later, I had my first intermediate class today & boy, was I intimidated.

Baking/Cooking is something that has recently been triggered, it's been going on 3months strong.

So my friend told me this:
QUEENS don't cook.

I think I'd rather not be royalty if I couldn't murk around the kitchen.

Heh Heh.

I think I'm mad. I seriously think I'm mad.

Mad but happy. x)

I took about 3 recipes here & there from the net.

I took this Chewy Centred Choc Chunk Cookie from Cheryl & I'm so going to try it when I can!!!

CHEWY COOKIES, HEAVENLY!!! 0_o Think Subway cookies but even better! *drools.

I so wanna go browse again for more equipment, recipes/cook books & ingredients.

I would dearly dearly so wanna get a Food Processor, Ice-Cream maker & more baking tins/trays.

Oh yea, and more cookie cutters.

I took another 2 recipes from I-can't-remember-where but I think it's from thenovicebaker.blogspot.com.

yea, It's this Outrageous Choc Cookie & Golden Scones recipe. (:

Tea Time, anyone? ;p

I'm so seriously seriously tempted to go Phoon Huat to buy those scrumptious coloured vanilla icing.... x) Just imagine what beautiful decorations can come out of them.

Oh yea, I so love baking more than cooking.

Well, for now, who knows when I get older, I might actually love to cook more than bake.

It'll just have to wait till tomorrow, it's 9.41pm already.

Been going on a crazy cookie spree recently, did MNMs coated choc chips cookies yesterday.

Okay okay, tomorrow! Tomorrow I'll do it, yea?
AND I'll go running too, I can't afford to put on anymore weight. =X

** Yes, about Belly Dancing, Jules & I went to the other CC called Ci Yuan CC today cuz our teacher didn't offer intermediate belly dance at The Serangoon CC.

Well, we didn't want to join the intermediate class & wanted to continue with beginner's class (3?) at The Serangoon but Susanna (Dare I call her that? ;p) told us that we should move on.

OMG, everyone in the class has learnt belly dance for about at least close to a year!

And needless to say, they're all older like about late 20s to 40s like that.

We were such nubes. Like totally. >.<

Looks like we can't run away from practising at home now.

I needa practice....
i) The snake arms
ii) The 3/4 shimmy/ 3/4shimmy + box step
iii) backwards undulation of the tummy. (Actually, I need to practice the forward undulation too. >.<)

See, thats how jialat we are compared to them. hehe.

And oh yea, they practice with their shirts rolled up to see their bellies while me and jules were too coy to do so. >.<

Well... yes,
We've got a long way to go but we're going for it somehow.

xD

Floggers and Baking Madness

2007-06-16T15:13:00.000+08:00

I love to eat.

I love to bake.

And I count Hui Ning and Gerry, my two ultimate makan gluttony sinners.
(I'm very easy to tempt and hard to control. >.<)

I've been wanting to visit her blog for such a loooooooooong time since the time when I saw her being featured in Her World May Issue 2007 & more recently, The Sunday Times Foodie Pages.

She's known as a flogger, her name's Cheryl Chia and she's an NUS undergraduate.
Oh goodness me, she loves to bake! xD (AHAHA!)

She's more relevant to people our age group, particularly cause of her writing style.

Here's her blog:
http://thebakerwhocooks.blogspot.com

Man, she just reeved up my baking madness up another notch. (:

Here's another few really good floggers too:

June Low's Nibble & Scribble:
http://joonelovesfood.blogspot.com

Aun Loh's Chubby Hubby:
www.chubbyhubby.net

*drools.

I've been stocking up my goodies and equipment, and it's been a serious drain on my finances
BUT... It's worth it, there's seriously this joy in creation. x)

I've been dying to do:
- Onde Onde
- Kueh Blenka (Spelt like this?)
- Chocolate Chip Cookies

There's more lah, but these are those that have been tugging at my heart-strings for quite a while.

Things I've been dying to re-try/improve:
- Creamy Mushroom Sauce
- Brownie
- Tiramisu (I still have mascoprone cheese! (: *drools. )
- Mud Cake (Need to figure out how to melt choc properly)
- Blueberry Muffins

Hehe, I here those white/dark choc chips calling out to me.
Think I'll go entertain them! Later then! (:

ps: I might do up a foodie blog too sometime later this year when i've a ready camera and I'm free. (:

Last Vestiges of Innocence

2007-06-14T21:23:00.000+08:00

I'm going to miss Gwee! (:
She just left for her HK trip, hope she enjoys herself and must takecare!

Yay and... I'm going to play batminton and vball with Hui Ning tomorrow! xD

Somehow the volleyball fever is gradually but slowly warming up again,
I do love ball games you know. (:

Esp those that are non-racket sports types eg vball, bball and netball,
I'm better with my hands lah.

I went for another volunteer session today with Pauline and we discovered that Tze Yong's dyslexic!

He speaks very quickly and eloquently for his age but Valerie discovered today that he can't really read well as the words appeared jumbled to him. He also sees and writes mirrored visions of certain words like boy vs doy. He actually wrote doy and thought it's right.

I'll miss my little angels, its 2 more sessions to go and I'll really like to help and guide them through the years on. (:

They make me melt.

Anyway, today I returned to iDA with Pauline to meet Brenda and Darren for lunch.

Also, I met up "coincidentally" with Gerry there too. >.< style="font-size:78%;">He's one guy with a freaking huge ego bigger than his head and has the sensitivity level smaller than a tick. =x

Gosh, that was tiny and... mean. ;p

I do like and admire him to a certain degree especially his tenacity to want to perserve in his duties no matter what but, we just have conflicting and divergent personalities.

Things seem to have changed vastly in the office, it seemed to be happier and friendlier in the past and almost all the temps have left.

The only remaining temps are Wan Yu ( leaving next friday), this new girl I've never met before & Alex.

Desmond has been upgraded to a perm staff. xD How cool is that!!!

Yes, there's a vast shift in the atmosphere, like one of bullying and struggles.

I'm really really going to treasure my university days a whole lot, the working world's so messy and just plain disgusting, yea?

Strangely that previous question stated above ties in very well with the heading of the previous entry.

Sigh. Cynic man, I am. It's like the last vestiges of innocence ebbing away.

What exactly is a friend?

2007-06-14T00:07:00.000+08:00

How much a believer are you in Horoscopes, superstitions and the mystics?

I know I am. xD

There's this particular line about the yearly horoscope about pisces that struck me:
"Home and domestic issues are extremely important to you this year.
You will feel close to those you love in your home environment.
You are selective about emotional attachments."

Haa, so so so very true.

This is especially true for the last line, I'm super super super selective about such bonds now like with friendships.

What makes a True friend? (The unspoken support & golden warm silence which Time can never deftly slice through?)
A best friend? (The laughter and the tears through joy & woe?)
A good friend? (Memorable moments but nothing more?)

Why do we label?

Why even have so many varied layers of distinguishing factors?

Why this selection?

I think sceptism and fear drives this feelings out the most.

I can't comprehend anymore. It's leaving me numb when I think about my jc friends.

2 years ain't enough to see through the veneer of the faces of people whose innocence have start to shred and walls start to form.

I'm currently trying to cheer Gerry up and his misery;
there's so many reasons why I'd chose to steer clear of that self-inflicted agony and he's yet another living testimony to that pain.

That silly thing called Love.

Puppie Madness

2007-06-09T19:31:00.000+08:00

I've always been afraid of Dogs, you know, cuz I've been chased once by this huge black vicious stray when I was aged 3 but...

JUBLES'S SO ADORABLE! xD

(Even though he chased me when I first met him too.)

He's so nice to pat and cuddle and licky. (:

OMG. he makes me so tempted to ask Mummy & Daddy for a Dog, though...
I realised that I may not be able to commit to him cuz' I'll be staying in a hostel soon. ):

Oh well, just have to wait till I'm older. (ie i) RETIRED AGE ii) Staying on my own iii) Single, Unmarried & Happy with my dog at age 30)

(I asked Mummy for fun just now even though I knew what her answer will be. xp
This makes the third time she rejected me since I was a kid. >.< )

But these are the breeds that I've been thinking about.

I did my research, okay? (: They are not super super active kinds, just need to walk once or twice a day like 1/2 hour. Maybe the Schnauzer would be the super active one. xp

But anyway, here they are:

Baby Cocker Spanniels! ARGH, SO CUTE!

Cocker Spaniel! xD My top choice, she's gorgeous huh?

OR get a SCHNAUZER, instead? (:
SO CUTE right? He's got such a dignified look.

This is the grown-up version of the Standard Schnauzer.

Papillon! (: LOOK AT THE EARS! OMG, I'll call her PAPPY! xD

The grown up Pappy! (: SO BEE-YOU-TI-FUL! *sighs.

HAHA! So much for Dog madness, even though I may not be able to EVER get one.

Oh well, fun researching though. (:

Burried Relics

2007-06-08T02:13:00.000+08:00

In restrospect, I'm grateful.

I'm grateful that I was able to enter university and pursue a course of my interest,
when I've been rendered incapcitated and sleeping for almost the entire year of 2006.

There are reasons why relics of the past should be forgotten and left burried.

Father Time has his ways to assuage all the pain that existed before, yet this deception happens only because of the failure of our own memory capacity.

I started the night missing somebody in many good ways (strangely),
yet when I read old blog entries that imprinted the past events...
I remembered why.

I remembered the intensity, vulnerability and rawness of it all.

I'll never forget the words I once heard before and that,
finally and totally determined it all.

So these words that I wrote after what was said stay still:
I loved you, that once. And always.

It's true.

The rawness of the scars and indelible mark left can only mean that.

That scar and pain meant empowering the person with the ability to hurt us and so implies we still care enough to get burnt.

It's a once that stays for the obscure pain does rise to the occassion,
but it doesn't mean that Once merits the same depth, breath and length it once wield.

Tiny minute proportions, but there. Always.

But, remember, I've learnt to bury and ignore the impossible.

Que Sera, Sera, Whatever will be, Will be. The Future's Not Our's to See.

2007-06-07T01:25:00.000+08:00

It's one of those few days, I actually feel excited about the future. =D

The Entry Title is actually this childhood song Que Sera Sera.
(Though Kill Sera, Sera is fine by me too. ;p Kidding, Really!)

I've been wondering what career path I ought pursue and what options would be made available.

I do know one thing though, as far as I can, I will AVOID a 9-6 Office Job that requires you to sit and stare at the computer.

It just spells B-O-R-I-N-G.

The 4 most exciting options by far:

i) Journalism (:

ii) Teaching (Literature! xD)p

To help mould someone's life, to impart the beauty and passion for Literature...
(: Utter BLISS.

iii) Educational/Child Psychologist (:

iv) Business: Shake's Treats

This idea has been gnawing at me for quite some Time.

You know, I do love to bake.
I do love Literature and Mr Shakespeare.

OMG, what better way than to combine these two twin passions together. (:

A Cafe with the Shakespearian Theme!!!

I named it The Shakespeare Cafe tentatively then, but now I'm thinking...
Shake's Treats. =D

I'll name the Cakes after Shakespearian Names or Quotes and give explainations why they're named so.

Like...
Tiramisu becomes "Stuff That Dreams are made on".
Durian Cheesecake can be "The Green Eye'd Monster".
Mud Cake will be "Othello".

=D Lovely idea, eh?

And then... I shall do MUFFINS.
I was thinking in flavours of Blueberry, Cranberry and Banana.

I'll call them Quotables cuz...

They'll be like a la Fortune Cookie kinda thing, instead of fortunes, you get a random slip of paper which has a Quote on it, Whom said it and which Play.

I'll also do my killer addictive brownies. xD
(I'm not BHB okay? (: Eat them and you know why.)

But I guess I'll leave them alone as they are and not name them anything.

I was thinking Dark Choc, Black Forest, Triple Choc versions of them.

Maybe when I can afford to expand, I'll consider doing a mini library area of books. (:
I can even do special seasonal cakes for other authors like Jane Austen! xD
Or maybe even bi-monthly themes of certain Plays or Novels ie February We'll have Romeo & Juliet.

See why I'm so excited. It's just an idea... (:
It may come true, it may just be a dream but it keeps me happy & motivated anyway.

Ahhh.. The Stuff that DREAMS are made on. :D

Way Back Into Love

2007-06-06T12:16:00.000+08:00

I was listening to the radio and this song caught my heartstrings.

Yeps, I know this song is kinda oldish already but there's just sweet and poignant about the words.

Enjoy! (:

You might even wanna sing out loud to yourself in the living room but then... it might just rain. ;p

Way Back Into Love, Hugh Grant & Drew Barrymore

I've been living with a shadow overhead

I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need them again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but i just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to she'd some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

Oh oh oh

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way
I feel I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

Oh oh oh

Drawn to... Psych; that's short for Psychology. (: (: (:

2007-06-05T13:52:00.000+08:00

Better get this load off my chest, first.

Guess what? This Silly Do-Do here...
Failed her BTT. =X

Don't ask why, how or what.

Enough said.

The next test is on 6 July, 2pm. Better Seriously Mug this Time.

Anyway, yes, I'm rather drawn to doing Pychology suddenly or even Social Work.

The volunteering at the Hougang Care Centre reeeeeeeeeeeally sparked that interest.

Pauline and I are currently helping Kai Qi, a social worker who just graduated from NUS FASS a year ago.

She is actually running the Stop, Think and Do programme for children ages 7-9 with some learning and social skills disabilities.

The Stop, Think, Do programme is actually written by this Australian Writer (Whom, I can't recall what the name is!) and it is based on the traffic lights we see on the road.

The idea being we use this simple analogy to guide the kids to STOP when they feel anger, sadness, happiness, fear before they act on their impulse in some disruptive manner. Then we teach them to THINK before they act and lastly DO actions that are positive and non-disruptive.

We started helping out last week. It lasts for 8 sessions and takes place twice a week.
We also met Valerie, another volunteer, she's actually doing her masters on Educational Psychology at NIE. So she's actually placed at the centre now as she's doing her practicum.

We've got 4 charges, Matthew, Tze Yong, Daryl and Clifford.

We have a sort of Sticker collection competition to reward attentiveness and the well-behaved boys. It works like a charm, trust me. =D

I'm taking care of Tze Yong. He's a lovely boy but he does have this problem of speaking out in turn in group discussions. They're all a little hyperactive too.

Clifford and Daryl will actually run around the room and sprawl themselves all over the floor.

To the boys, We seem like we're merely teaching them how to be good boys and having fun with them playing all those games. But really, there are messages embedded within them.
(AND at the same time, we're analysing each individual.)

They actually have difficulty recognising emotions.

This is why sometimes kids with such disobedience issues often repeat their acts of mischief without knowing why or how it even infuriates the adults.

They can't recognise Anger in its' face, quite literally!

It was Clifford that incited that interest, most acutely.

We always have a de-briefing session after the programme to discuss how else can we improve and the cater the programme better for the kids as well as what we have observed about them.

Clifford is actually an interesting person to observe and analyse.

At the start of each session Kai Qi would re-cap the lessons learnt in the previous session with a Q & A.

Clifford sat away from the group but was answering enthusiastically, to the extent of even interrupting others in mid-sentences.

We learnt more about feelings that day and we were sharing about things that made us scared, happy, sad and angry.

Interestingly, Clifford clammed up, shut up, shrugged and gave "Don't Know" for answers.

WHAT A HUGE VAST CONTRAST!

Then we discussed about him.
I was wondering whether he didn't want to share about his emotions IF NOT he didn't know what they were.
Then the senior psychologist came in and she joined in.

She suspected that he wasn't able to express himself verbally about emotions due to his family background. His parents are divorced! 0_O
Usually such kids only know emotions like anger the most as they see their parents waging wars on each other all time.
He hasn't the proper moulding from a model to understand what emotions are, apart from anger that is.
He's actually very intelligent as he could easily regurgitate factual information when we did the Q&A.

Wow.

AND I realised why he was so attached to his doggie pencil box already.
He does have a pet dog at home, you know. He does spend a lot of time with it.
And you know... Pet Animals do assuage that loneliness within you and give you unconditional Love.

That's why he's so attached to his Dog. WOW. =D

I'm really curious about psychology.

I think I know what I'm pursuing in my Minors. =D

People don't usually fail BTT, right?

2007-06-04T13:34:00.000+08:00

Die Die Die.

People don't usually fail BTT, right?

But what happens when you do? =X

That is ie I do.

LOL.

I didn't mug for it today at all. Splendid, aye?

I better get started.

And... I'm So EXCITED. I'm going to see my wonderful kids tomorrow at the hougang care centre. =D then thereafter... dooms!

Matthew, Tze Yong, Daryl & Clifford; my little devils. =D

Ps: I overslept today and didn't go for the e-trial. =x

Angsty Rawr Rawr Mood

2007-06-03T16:07:00.000+08:00

Just some bits of randomness before I truly begin:

First things first, I needa kill myself for not completing/having done any work for the GPA.
OMG, I needa kick up the... *Ahem. Nevermind about that.

Next, I just heard this song on the radio:
"Hate me today... Hate me tomorrow... Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you"
The title's "Hate Me" by Blue October.

This line drove hard into me: Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you.

It just sounded damn darn familar.

It's still an OUCH in anycase.

Anyway, this song also reminded of Reliant K's "Who I am hates who I've been".

Oh yea, angsty rock theme songs.

The last bit is I'm still doing some revision for my e trial test tmr for my BTT. *gasp.
I totally forgot about the actual test on monday till yesterday then I hurriedly muddled through and studied the whole thing. =X
And hurriedly registered myself for an e trial on Sunday which is at 815am. *yawns.
Oh man. I will pass my BTT, right? I like... hardly studied. =X

Anyway, went out with Mr Gerry for dinner.

I didn't see him for about a month or so since he entered army.
I didn't feel like going out tonight lah but then I think I declined him too many times already.

He was leaving the place he's coming from at 7pm.
I asked him "Eh, you sure enough Time for you to travel?"
That idiot said ok ok 730pm is fine, I'll be able to meet you. (:

Guess where he was coming from?

Expo to Clark Quay.

In the end, as I expected I met him at about 750pm.

I waited for him for 20mins. >.<

Well.. To be fair, I made him wait half an hour in a prior meeting. =D *evil smile.

We did our usual erm basking in gluttony kinda thing at Fisherman's Wharf.

He treated me, of course. (:
Compensation for being late lah, WHAHAHA! =X

Then as usual, we headed to our coffee joint at Starbucks and lounge around,
before heading to the waterfront to just sit and talk.

Today's conversation took a slightly more sombre mood in an unintentional seemingly innocuous topic.

On many counts, I don't feel good about myself, particularly academically. (And the scars left.)

And many times, it's not that I can't.

I know I actually CAN DO it.

BUT I ALWAYS let myself be driven to distraction by some seemingly important silly innocucous thing then.

I hate it. I hate myself for my foolishness really.

And this is part of the reason why I steer so far away from any emotional attachment from any of the opposite sex now.
(I can find you reasons 101 why not to go near them seriously.)

IF NOT..

Honestly, I'd go botch up subjects that I ought have excelled in.

Eg. Comb Humanities in sec4, I got a B4 instead of an expected A1 which I usually do. I've would have gotten 12 points instead of 15!
Eg GP which I got a pretty C5 instead of at least a B3.

Tell me do I have cause to be angry, annoyed and upset with myself?

I see PLENTY.

Had I not mugged hard enough or got overly cockily confident????

It's always those repercussions that hits you hardest after the circle has spinned its full round.

Sometimes it seems whether I try or not, I'm just always second best.

The What-Ifs always hit and hit over again.
Yes, you do know:
i) It's not possible to switch back time.
ii) It's always there.

I don't know why I bother even appealing when I know what the outcome will be.

It's true, your biggest adversary tend to be oneself and indeed, it is.
I just realised the shift of anger was from another to onself.

I never feel bright enough.

You see all those news reports about the Average scoring Dragon Babies, Universities and Competition.
And all those forum messages in Straits Times about this entire thing.

It just shows you how hard and unforgiving this society can be if you do not attain the required grades.

They'll never understand our pain, the pain of the Average (Note: I SAID AVERAGE SCORING)
Student nor those that try so hard but laspe in their reach to the ultimate goal.

I've got that pain, lots of it.

It'd take more time to let everything ebb away.
A LOT LOT more time.

I DON'T CARE.

SINCE NTU IS WHERE I'M HEADING, I'M BLOODY GOIN TO DO A PRETTY GOOD DARN JOB OF IT.

I'M GOIN TO GET MY FIRST CLASS HONOURS FOR LIT, no matter what.

The Beckoning Disappointment

2007-05-31T16:22:00.000+08:00

Tonight was such a blast with my JC girlies. :D
We went to Marina Bay's Zhen Fa Huo Hai Sian to makan, rather fun really.

I must say, I salute Jules.

OMG la, I must say, I salute Jules.
She's so damn pro lah!

She single-handledly chopped the crab into half & plucked out the internal organs! O_o
At one point, the crab which was ALREADY SPLIT INTO HALF IN THE MIDDLE...
OMG, the pincer actually moved and twitched a little.
She got a little shock and drop the crab.

She left it alone for a while then she washed out the crab and the shell.

I guess that's the reason why I'd never be a completely successful house wife in the near future,
I can't bring myself to dissect my food ie Kill/Clean Crab/Fish, Chop the Chicken. =X

Seriously, I applaude her. (:

Although it's probably no strange news, I was late for the meeting at Marina Bay.

Well, it was for a really stupid reason also!

I went to check my NUS application status. I wasn't really surprised.
It stated: Application denied.

So I went to clicked onto the appeal part of the application.
It stated you have to give a 300 character (NOTE CHARACTER) short prose of reasons why you'd like to appeal into NUS.

I kept reminding myself, you know. 300 character. 300 character.

I think my mind kinda short circuited, I did like 300 words!

I had to cut cut cut cut a lot of my words. =S

SO super dumb, can? =S

Here's the one I submitted with the 300characters thing:

I’ve always loved the English language, reading and like to pursue my passion for literature in FASS. FASS allows pursuit in other arts subjects I’m interested too. I hope you will consider my distinctions at A level Literature and O level English. I do beseech you to consider my appeal, Thank you!

Here's the one I wanted to submit with its 300 WORDS count:

NUS’s Faculty of Arts & Social Science has always been my dream school,
apart from the fact that it is the paragon of excellence in pursuing a degree in the Arts in Singapore; I would really like to attain greater knowledge and further ignite my burning passion for English Literature in NUS.
I’ve always loved the written words of the English language and have an insatiable appetite for reading.
Literature has always been the one subject I love dearly as it showcases how prominent writers wield their mastery of the English language, touches on the core of human conditions and delve into the realms of history, philosophy and even, political science.
Although NTU has offered me a place to study Literature, I believe NUS’s course is far more established and will be able to provide me with an exemplary and comprehensive education, particularly in Literature.
It gives me more opportunities for personal growth, experimentation and has a balanced approach to educate the students.
It would also allow me to pursue fields that I’ve got interest in like history and philosophy.
This is unlike NTU which enforces the sole study of Literature which would be highly detrimental to my career prospects and my development of interests on other fields.
I’m aware that the General Paper Grade is highly scrutinized in the admission into this faculty, but I hope you would too consider my distinction grade at A level Literature and O level English Language.
The hard facts of life remain such that if one was to falter in his attempt to secure good grades in the paper chase, one will inevitably be left behind.
There is often hardly any room for negotiations and chances.
I do beseech you with much whole-hearted earnestness to consider the appeal I’ve made.
Thank you!

OMG la, see how different it is!
I would feel a lot more confident if they allowed me to submit the 300words appeal, I upped the quality and number of bombastic words used.

Yes, I know I sound very BHB about my distinctions part but I really had to find a way to sell myself and I'm afraid they'd pass-by my application the moment they see my GP grades(which is an astounding C5. =X And Mr M.Tan can't stop teasing me about. )

I've never really have had much faith in appeals.

Disappointment ain't my best friend, but I see him waving at me rather often.

I should just count my blessings.

Brace yourself, loooooooong entry. GPA Ideas.

2007-05-28T16:15:00.000+08:00

Warning: Super Longish entry ahead.

I've not really been a good girl cuz I've been procrastinating about writing something up for the Golden Point Award Writing comp.
But the ideas are rolling on rather well! which I'm rather pleased. (:

okay i've got quite a few ideas for the writing comp thingy.
it's either i do: i) 6-8 poems ii) short story iii) do both.

actually the last option is there too: iv) dont do lah, LAZY! =x

The good thing is I'm getting inspiration here & there.
(But unfortunately as I re-read throught the list I've jotted down,
it all reeks of past/present comparison,
missing the past & moving on or have moved on kinda theme. :S )

I told you I'm getting inspired left, right, centre. (:

I'll just list the ideas that have been growing at the back of my mind, in case I forget any.

You might want to skip reading this part.
It's going to be boring and kinda written in a ranting manner.

Ideas for i):

Chinatown sights & sounds

Thinking do a vivid desciption of the dinginess,
rustic charm of the place, food & people.
Maybe can emphasis the persona's intrigueas well as
the danger of losing this charm ie
you know, they're renovating the place now.
(My $1.50 Carrot cake shop!!!)
7 types of ambiguity

This one is a huge challenge.
I think I might be lazy yet again. =X
It's actually with reference to this literary idea
that there's 7 ways to write to create ambiguity in a passage.

I was thinking a creation of a 7 stanza poem
with each one depicting each style of writing
yet when it all comes together, it helps culminate a story together.
Better still the rough culmination leads to a conclusion of sorts
that still has enough ambiguity
for the reader to navigate around.

(ie like Charles Dicken's Great Expectations
& Edith Wharton's The Age of Innocence.
Ambiguous endings allow you to choose
& dream an ending of the reader's preference. (: )

Ahhhh, what the hell am I writing about???

What an ambitious project for this I've got! :S
Frozen bus stop scene

This one's inspired by the day I met them at the bus stop.
They were all over each other and didn't see me.
(I think. Well, she might have eventually.)

It's goin to be a good piece to write on, rather raw.

I've got a few odd phrases here and there like:

A moment, an image, their visages;that clarity forever frozen in her mind’s eye.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Her world reeled before her,
Multitudes around her but yet
At that instant existed only three.
Old song

This one is erm probaby about someone working
and the song brings across memories of the past.
Bus 22

Enough said. An idea to recount that day on the bus.
Fairy tale likeness; refine "The Sullen Passion; The Ardent Reason"

This was an old piece of writing, kinda poem like written in J2 February?
One of my favourite writtings by far.
I'm probably going to refine it.

Here's the entire thing of it:

This is.. The Sullen Passion; The Ardent Reason

A moment of epiphany; meant to be known to oneself only.
A particular introductory sentence from Jane Austen's Persuasion inspired the prose below.
It brought to my mind,a Stake driven into the heart of my very being.

The Sullen Passion; The Ardent Reason.

Tell me then,
you love enough to desire to hold for a life time.
Do you then,
love enough to wait for the tides to turn in favour.

Glimmers of fair Chance waiting to prance.
Tendrils of dark Doubt rooting it to ground.

The Maiden cannot deceive but only merely conceal.
For her the fabric of Dreams keeps unravelling.

So the wistful Hope glanced back at the scene,
folded her gentle soft Wings
and became the pain-laden Regret,
with a broad back of crimsom rose Thorns.

Matters not if others can't conceive.

Only You,
the shadowy Knight,
armed with your sword and Valiant Steed
will be able to decipher all that and more.

Save me, She Calls ever so hauntingly.
The Haunted House allegory; refine it.

I like this one too, I was thinking to refine it again.
Here's the original one:

The text below is inspired by Virginia Woolf's "The Haunted house."

An Allegory to A Haunted House

Lives of men ever so entwined yet diverged.
Ever like these strings that cross and strings that deviate;
never knowing how nor why one's path undulate haphazardly
or what lies in them that would form the genuine human condition
and experiences of love, fear, pain, sorrow and liberation.

The lone apparition seeks for the secret buried treasure.
Just to view, to hold and caress in the deepest recesses
of the soul to soothe the creases that form in the heart, mind and soul.

Daily she pays obeisance to the shrine encased within
with offerings of the sacred waterfall.

Everyday it gets easier. It gets mistier.
The visitations will gradually cease.

Remember someday that will cease.

The creaky box opens.

The apparition found it!

Out leaps the myriads of colored strips of time
and another ghostly figure appears.

The other smiles.
So does she.
Hand in hand, they walk.

A new journey found.
A new special bond.

The closure of the story old.

She throws that key aside,trying, tryingto leave that past behind.

Needless to say he inspired a fair bit of writing and outpourings.
I think # 3, 4, 6 & 7 were partly influenced by him.
With reference to Shakespeare's plays. (Think Words)

I was thinking of playing around with theme of words
and within this poem embed part of the quote of:
"All that's spoke is marred" (Gratiano said this in Othello)
VS
"Speak what we feel not what we ought to say" (Edgar said this in King Lear)
Grandmother

Well, this one's a toughie. I've got a messy relationship with everyone on my Dad's extended side of the family esp with her.
Grandfather's Ashes

This one will probably have something to do with
reconciling & loving a past/person you have never known.

Yea lor, so that pretty much sums it up.
At least for the poetry part.

I realise people tend to write about subjects that are
close to their hearts and greatly impacted them.

True, innit? That's why we always study the Author's background in Literature.

(Okie, I know I'm a terrible literature nutcase. xp
It gets me euphoric somehow in strange ways.)

Anyway, I wouldn't submit at all unless the end product is satisfactory.
I'd rather wait till 2 years later and refine till I'm sufficiently happy with it. =D

(Yes, go on, I know you want to say it that: I'm kinda sick sometimes in that way. xp)

Gotta wake up at 8am tmr, goin for my first session to Hougang Care Centre
to volunteer to look after Kids with some social interaction disabilities.

SEE! I'm sucha caring individual! WAHAHA! xp

It's rather exciting really. Hope it goes smoothly tomorrow! (:

For you, For you, I bleed myself dry.

2007-05-27T03:19:00.000+08:00

Ahhhh, morning! It's 12noon now. I woke up about an hour ago! =x
Cut me some slack, will you? xp I slept at 4am last night.

I'm going out to some fishy exhibit with Hui Ning & Pei En later.

Well, the title's an adaptation of Coldplay's Yellow.

For you, For you, I bleed myself dry.
I did once for you and that once was enough.

It just hits you strangely in awkwards places suddenly sometimes.

I'm of course speaking in reference to people who were once realllly close and deep set in my heart ie the You in that Title.

It took so long, so hard and such a tumultous painful period to totally expunge the traces of what I once felt for that boy.

Yes, that boy in MrMarkTan's GP class who took Fmaths.
that boy that made Mr Tan declare I had bad taste.
Yes, he's happily with someone else now.

I've recently turned off the anoymous viewing profile on my Friendster & you'd never believe who you'd see viewing your page.

It just caught me aback.

It was that boy.

It just hits you when you least expect it to.
It's not that it's important or significant in that kind way of way anymore.

You're not supposed to care anymore, not the least bit.

It's just that really odd sensation to suddenly think about him anymore when the messy past has been obliterated into the oblivion in my own head.

It's not significant to the bullet ridden heart, right?

Of course not, that's ridiculous.

Then what's this queer hesistant angsy state about, now?

A tribute to my rock too

2007-05-26T17:43:00.000+08:00

I won't mention names here but you know perfectly who you are. (:
You're my Rock, remember? As I am to you.

This is my tribute to you.

A tribute to my dearest friend ie Rock,

OMG I know you just nagged at me to go sleep early too but I can't help it.

I read what I saw and I saw what I read.

Those genuine heart-felt words that made me melt. (:

They say no one is indispensable.

But that's exactly what you are to me. (:
(Well, as family is definitely that to us too. (:)

Yes, as the years roll by,
rarely do we have the chance to keep each other updated
and cheering & rooting on each others' lives when there are challenges ahead.

But you know, when the occassion calls for it,
we'd rise up the occassion and suddenly all thats dark and bleak seems so easy and right again.

At least we help each other keep sane. (:

I don't know how you do it.

But there's this magic when I'm with you.
Even in the stillest silences, it just seems perfectly cosy, warm and tranquil
and the air abuzz with our unspoken words.

Thank you really for being such a great friend, to listen when no one else would, to soothe the invisible scars that no one else saw.

You're nothing else more I could ask for.

I would do this and all, just for you and more just as you have for me. (:

I know the year ahead will be tough,
what with attachments, cca, projects, strange dillemmas and the race to the top.
(Uni that is, i hope we'll be in the same school again! (: We might even be able to be roomies years later! =D)

Always remember and keep your end in mind, your rock is here to steer the way too.

Often, we feel lonely when we encounter the new, fret not, I'd be there too.
You'll always have me by your side to be your steady rock to hear you out,
to absolve all pain and absorb it all away.

Thank God for Little mercies & miracles, for people, just like you.

You make me feel bless even on days I think I'm not.

Cheesy as it sounds, Friends always & forever forth. (:

ps: we need to meet up soon & watch the phantom vcd! (: (: (:
pps: you know, even though we've got really strong bonds after all this time, we still should meet often. *hint hint. xp xp xp

Thoughtlessness, Hubris & the Acerbic Tongue

2007-05-26T14:50:00.000+08:00

See lah, in honour of Cheryl I went to do a tagboard. I wonder what does she have to say for herself now?

Seriously if I were an entity looking at my self from outside, the word is: buay ta han!

:D so happily "eng" (free) & contented lah. bumming around might be an astute comment.
hmmm.. but a nice euphemism would prolly be erm ah, stopping to smell the roses & seeking one's purpose.

HAHAHAH!

But I'm really glad that I've got a chance to lunch with Mr Mark Liew today. (:
He's more than just a great teacher to me but also a great friend, honestly more of a really great friend. He knows my Chao Kuan (Nasty side) and all.

Kept whinning to him just now for about half an hour.

Yes lah, I will get over it one lah. But then like he said some things never change. (ie must be unhappy and whine over a period than satisfied. =X Quite true lah, hahah!)

I do feel that I've been posted to a dumping ground of sorts even though it's of my own free will to enter the school. That unpleasant feeling has been ringing for a while.

I've been rather moody and depressed today.
I can't believe some of things I've said or are reverberating through my empty malicious mind.
Sometimes I guess I do say things without considering its' implications in my emo-ed maddening spate.

Yes and that explains the title of "Thoughtlessness, Hubris (Hero's tragic flaw! xp) & the acerbic tongue." Quite a devastating combination huh?

Aiyo.

I'll get over it.. eventually.

I know.

AND ah (yes sounding auntie like here again with the ah, lah, lor, hor. =X)
MUST learn to control temperament and tongue.

Quite jialat sometimes.

Sigh, anyway...

the bad news is, I might not be able to even appeal for NUS FASS cuz I think ur supposed to have received an acceptance letter before you can appeal.

Darn, looks like I should have gone for the real estate interview.

Aiya, see how yea. No point fretting, well at least no point fretting toooo obviously and much about it.

To lighten up a little...

Ahhhh, me lads and mateys I'm suffering from post-pirates blues. (:

The soundtrack's pretty good and I do love Orlando & Johnny Depp, esp Mr Depp, he's
just so absolutely hilarious & suave. =D

yes yes, I do have an absolute soft spot for eloquent guys AND unfortunately, most of the time, they are the ones you ought avoid and run away from. =X

Hmmm... I think Othello could have easily caught me and skin me bit by bit without me realising how or why. Or even Iago.

Well, they can "charm my tongue" any day. =x
(wait, doesnt that phrase mean to get me to shut up...? LOL. =x)
(Hahaha! just think Charm, that's enough.)

I, for one, admit, I got lotsa lotsa lotsa maddening crushes here, there everywhere.

Of course, Inadvertantly lah! What do you take me for? xp

Alright will be back another day to update! (:

*Yawns. Toodles!

ps: rmb to write email to cousin regarding my uni application finalisation.
pps: i'm hungry. :S

Lunch with Ms T, Mr Tan & Francine

2007-05-24T23:35:00.000+08:00

Aye, I've been such a good girl these days. I actually have been updating for the past few days!
(Deceptively major accomplishment! =X)

Today's a great day. Mini-epiphanies lurking around the bend.

I finalllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly met up with MsFrancine Tang alone after such a long bout of Time, close to 2 years to be precise. It was a messy period then and yes, enough said.

One thing I've learnt is to control myself to let my rationale side take over from that impulsive emotion outbursts I'd have from the past 2 years.

Nothing's worth losing your head over so much anymore so why be angry or mad?
(Well, ok, I gained that insight after last yr end. Seriously, I had no idea my outburst were so severe & they did incapacitate me to an extent.)

Mum probably is right on this accord, unless I learnt how to control my moods, I'd never succeed in anything I set out to accomplish in life because I'd lack that focus and drive.

I've also learnt nothing meets the eye, so don't judge and label people so quickly.

I'm learning as I go along.

Anyway, as I mentioned I had lunch with Miss T, Mr Tan and Francine at Crystal jade, Taka.
Then somehow or the other we ended up watching Pirates of the Carribean together and walk about in Cineleisure before the show started.

Hope they don't know I've placed their scandalous pictures up! (Otherwise... Heh Heh) (:

I'll do a running commentary.

Mr Tan: *whines. I wanna go Sasa.
Ms T: Whatever for?
Mr Tan: *glares adamantly.

Moments later...

Mr Tan: Wah! So many bright chirpy colours. No, I'm in an EMO mood. I want my black.
*stamps his feet.
Ms T: *rolls eyes & hunts for it.

Ms T: okay, found it! let's test it! I'll help you! (: *chirpy pretentious tone.
Mr Tan: EHH!!!! Thats not my BLACKKKKKK!!!!!

Mr Tan: AIYO! It looks damn lao pok! Don't want lah!
Ms T: Shut up! I'm the one doing it for you.

Ms T: Oh, lets try another shade. That one didn't suit you.
Mr Tan: Fine. *grumbles.

Ms T: There, much better. (:

Shuwei: I don't believe I know them, I'm just an innocent by-stander. xp

LOL, okay that was utterly nonsensical fun. Ms Tang took all the photoes but then, she forgot to take one of us and herself!

Funny lah, thereafter the 3 of us sans Ms T went to watch the movie.

I tell you ah, Mr Tan wanted to sit between Francine&I. BUt Francine protested and he shifted away from us.

I kinda suspected he wanted to do a running commentary to us both during the movie. ;p

AND GOODNESS... His laughter, quite jialat lah.

I'll miss them both when they leave SR soon.

On the second deck of the second seat on bus 22

2007-05-24T00:33:00.000+08:00

It's going to sound like such a strange entry.

Today was such a bus-y(pronounced as BUS-SY) day.

Perhaps MrMark Tan was right, I'm pretty strange in some ways.

I do enjoy solidarity and the sense of calm it brings.

I love being on my own, it heightens my perception to my scenery (No, scenery not the people around me) and thoughts. There's no point in having said, oh I have experienced this and so, I feel such and that AND yet I don't ponder about it's significance.

The wise leaves time for retropective thoughts, you know. *ahem. xp

OK lah, simply said: I love day-dreaming, can?

I love long bus rides now.

I actually took bus 22 from tampines to ang mo kio and mind, it was a looooooooooong distance.
It's like from one interchange to another. (Oh man, and I forgot to check the cost of travelling such a distance.)

Alright, the day actually started out with my intention to go to Century Square and get new contact lenses. (Yes, I'm utterly vain and can't live without contact lenses anymore. =x)

So I took bus 55 then alighted somewhere near SR and took 72 down to Tampines.

The bus ride to tampines triggered some random thoughts like the army boys (cuz I saw the fences and locked up somewhere within were those serving the nation), my east-staying friends and both my maternal & paternal Grandfathers.

I had very strange ideas about the last thought, toying around with writing something in relation to my Grandfather's Ashes. =x

I'm kinda upset and I really want to stop my eyesight from further deterioation.
It's like both my eyes have astig now! It used to be just the left, now my right's afflicted too.
My left eye increased it's degree by 75 to a whooping 375 now and my right eye is about 300 now. ):

This is bad. I was hoping for degrees to stabilise and yes, I'll get lasik done one day if I can.

Non-myopic people won't really understand.

There's JUST this luxuriant glory about waking up in the morning, with birds chirping gleefully and the sunshine pouring into your bedroom (yes, it kind of indicates the hour I wake up nowadays. =x how does 10 sound?) AND you see them with Perfect Clarity the moment you wake up.

Utter Bliss. =D

I declare bus 22 is my favourite bus/bus route now.

In a strange way, it documents a large part of my life when in my 19 years here.

It started to drizzle when I boarded the bus and really poured heavily as the journey proceeded.

It felt so warm, cosy and secure in the bus, really!

That sensation whereby you know that it is raining heavily yet your dry and cosy inside.

Then you watch the rain pelt down against the window and trickling down and the scenery whirl by...

It travelled past my childhood tampines hangouts, bedok where my uncle used to stay and I visited once a week in my sec sch days.

Then it went past Ubi where I used to stay at blk 313.

It went past the 76 route when I used to take a bus to Parkway Parade for tuition.

It went past Jules's house, Winnie's house, Wanting's house the old PeiCai bus stop I took, it went past TeckGhee and soon it reached AMK.

Okay, I think the ride took about an hour and a half.

But I was so filled with thoughts

And by the time I alighted, the rain trickled to a stop.

It was such an enjoyable ride. (:

You know, sunshine after rain and yet, not getting wet or cold,
all on the second deck of the second seat on bus 22.

SPH Red Apple Day 2007

2007-05-23T01:08:00.000+08:00

I seem to have this strong affinity to SPH somehow, its like I'm always returning there or being drawn to its events somehow.

Lets do hope it'd be my eventual career destination somehow.

It felt good again to have donated blood and help give life. It was so conincidental too cuz I received an sms from HSA that they're running low on O blood types in the bank reserves and urged me to donate if I could. which I did. =D

SO let me beseech you guys out there, please do donate blood. It's a worthy cause to do whatever we can to help save lifes and it barely hurts.

I'm quite excited really. I'm prolly goin to get my contact lenses tomorrow and meet up with Francine on thursday to have lunch with Mark Tan and Ms T.

And then there's also the prospects of meeting up with Cheryl soon too! =D

BLISS.

If 1 thing I learnt, yes, though I did drifted with my friends for a while this year.
But I think the quality of the relationships have somewhat improved in view of the amount of time spent with them (quality time!) especially with Family & my sec sch girlies. (:

Man, I'll miss this limbo kind of life when the time ends. (:

Sloth

2007-05-22T00:02:00.000+08:00

You know the 7 deadly sins; sloth, gluttony, lust, greed, envy, wrath, pride.

I do believe I do have all of these within me, but I guess sloth is the one I'm currently falling the hardest to.

I'm lazy la.

I can't be bothered to update the previous entries that I wanted to backtrack and I didn't do my photo essay.

I suppose I'd need a lot of passion and desire for the objective in mind for me to want to achieve it, otherwise I guess I'd be satisfied with a non-commital process or even slid-shod shaddy work.

Hmmmmmm...........

Kinda not in a blogging mood. Will update at a later date.

SEVERE WRITERS BLOCK

2007-05-20T01:09:00.000+08:00

OMG.

I'm terrible, aren't I?
I left this baby alone for about close to a month & the only reason why I'm here
it's just to merely type something nonsensical down to un-clog my mind.

ARGH! I'm suffering from writer's block.

I realise my mind's most alert at this queer sleepy hour. It's supposedly when I write best.

It's like every single time I'm told/expected to perform my best in writing, I will get blocked/stuck/clogged and nothing goes through.

It's exactly like that when I go for my literature exams too.

Oh just ask Miss Thiang, the practice essays we did for pre-A level revision were all like crap. She even wonders why I even bother submitting the essays for her to see at that point.

I remember writing a full length of an entire page for an essay question before deciding I was frustrated and disastified with it and so I struck it out. Then I had merely like 20mins left to complete the essay in which I did like only 3-5 paragraphs of shady shallow work. (considering my usual length is somewhat 5-6pages long)

UTTERLY DISGUSTING.

I just can't help it. I have to perform under exams conditions to feel that time constrain, that tension, that degree of knowing I have to complete it in that time period to score that drives me.
(Although my GP grade is no testimony to that statement, I know.)

I JUST CAN'T WRITE OUT OF THAT CONTEXT OF SETTING.

It's disturbing because I pretty much want to try to compete in the GPA biennial competition
and I'm dry out of words.

To put it pretty crudely, I'm having writing constipation.

It's tough because I feel that even under the best circumstances of my best performance I could potentially fulfill... It just might not be good enough.

Oh man, you should go see the past years first prize winner's essays.
OMG, they wrote with such depth, breath, skill, finesse and substance.

Aye, the submission deadline is: 31 July 2007.
I've still got somewhat 2months plus more...

BUT it ain't enough!!!!!

I think I'm working myself up into a state of frenzy before I even try anything.

Ok ok, I'll stop here.

I promise myself, I'll try TO CHURN some meagre bits out tonight.

Ideas aplenty I've got, Words meagre & unthought.

"You I remember because of what you are to me." (:

2007-04-23T09:08:00.000+08:00

EEEEeeeee! Kinda pek chek with my phone.

It is acting reeeeeeeeeally screwy.
The screen flickers on and off occassionally.
I can't game. I can't watch videos. I can't take pictures. )=

AND just when I'm starting to get interested in protography.
How can one take pictures discreetly (or rather more discreetly) without her cam phone?
Sigh. Shall have to persuade Dad to loan me his laopok digital cam for tomorrow. :S

I'm not quite sure what happened since my previous song erricson phone had similar problems.
Hmmm. it's either: i) the SIM card is weird.
ii) My chor-lor-ness rendered my phone incapacitated. (I'm always dropping it onto the floor.)

So I started preparing to make way for a new phone. :D
By writing out all the phone numbers on a piece of paper.

It seemed like an uphill task really. But I did it! =D

It catalysted the mood for some (profound xb Kidding!) thoughts though.

I was wondering about well, how heartless I have been.

I don't really make an effort to keep in touch with people I realised.

There were so many names in my handphone list that I remembered and
at some point in the past, these people were so close to me.
Some you shared tears with. Others peals of laughter.

Yet somewhere along the way, as Father time trickles away, I dropped them.

Unintentionally or intentionally?

Perhaps I just don't make enough of an effort.

To name a few, my secondary school friends I've met in lower sec,
people like Jia Li, Mei Geok and Pei Si.
(Our Chinese gardens trips)

Even Wong and Yi Kang who at some distant place in time...
We did spend some really great moments together. (:
(The coffin mnc we set up for sec 3 geog project.)

Jacqueline and Joyce whom I met during first three months.
(EOL 2005 (: it's grease lightning! )

My Primary school friends particularly! People like Jessica, Pearly and Zhao Yu.

Actually, there are more people I can think of that fits this list but...
I shan't dwell too much about it, my conscience is gnawing really hard.

But somehow people always end up like that.
Somehow no matter how much you say you'd keep in touch and all,
there's this lazy quality that ebbs in eventually.

I'm sure I'm not the only one that has such "heartless tendencies".

You know at some point we shared the laughter, tears and precious memories of the yesteryears.

I think my friends whom I've met like ten years ago or less,
those friendships suffered the most damage from pure neglience.

Sometimes, it's not that I don't want to pick up those pieces.
So much Time has elasped that the heart doesn't recognise the special connections one
has with those people anymore.

Time has rendered all those special moments to morph into awkward ones,
where you really really do small coffee shop talk to update each other of your lives.

I'm kinda suspecting my relations with my JC friends might suffer the same fate.
They've been saying that I MIA-ed quite some bit this year and honestly, yes,
I know I did.

(But I stayed away for reasons too. Sorry. >.< )

I'm glad I've been able to maintain ties with Shing Yee and Hui Ning. :)
Honestly, they do put in a lot more to sustain and keep everything moving.

The past can only be the past. So let the present determine the future.

AND Yes, so I'm not going to let my existing relationships with my jc buddies and closest girlie friends from secondary school deterioate.

Like Ah Neh (Xin Yi) said "30 years from now, we'd still be goin to Joo's (HN) house to play mahjong." =D

Well said indeed. :)

So "You I remember because of what you are to me." :)

Here's poem I've read that depicts this well also.
It's about how one remembers forgotten people from the past.

So keep those Christmas Cards sending when the season come! :D ENJOY READING!

Christmas Card - Rod McKuen

Where do they go
the people in our lives
that sail in like green leaves
and disappear like snow?
Not just in December
or the stormy winter months
but through the year
and through the years.

Looking up a name today
I passed through three pages of G's
and found at least six names
I can't remember or never knew.

I addressed and sent
Christmas cards out and over to them
all the same
for what if someone
somewhere else
fingering over his phone book
passed over those same names.
Happy Christmas G's and X, Y, X's
and thank you for whatever care
or kindness you passed along to me
that my addled brain forgot.

You I remember
because of what you are to me.
Merry Christmas.

ps: I think this poem would have had more effect if seen during the december season, innit? xb

Note to self: Sustained Interest PLEASE.

2007-04-22T09:38:00.000+08:00

I can't quite recall what's the exact number of blogs I have had over the years.
Terrible innit? My interest never seems to sustains well.

I love all of my blog's addresses, they all mean something to me.
Heart-access.

Yes, heart's access. It is after all something that is rather personal to me.

Well, but I Love to write still and I'm rather free these days so...
*grins, I shall attempt to keep this up and going once more.
Besides I realised it's a rather good way to keep in touch with people you hardly do anymore.

I'm probably goin to do some back-tracking and typing of entries now that I'm so free.

They were right, the after-As sydrome and life is, indeed, a blissful state.

Well...
That is, if you're not working. :D

I do miss iDA. I mean, I do miss the PEOPLE at IDA.
But certaintly not the job nature.

BLEAHS.

I kept thinking of Silas Marner and the term "mechanical existence",
which made Pauline really amused I think.

But I made a whole bunch of great people there, like Pauline (disney kid), Darren (Da Tou), Gerry (Twin), Auntie Brenda, YanTing, JingYi, Tony (Lim/Shuai (: ), Debbie...

heh, promised to lunch with Brenda and Pauline soon. (:

I learnt quite a fair bit there, particularly about self and my likes and dislikes.

Almost everyone out there is doubting that I'd be able to sustain life at home
for like the next 4 months.
But, hey, guess what? It's been 3 weeks and I'm still going strong. :)

I've been picking up a little queer stuff here and there to learn.
Heh, I've been like baking a lot. Seriously, whole lot for the past weeks.

I've done about 7 cakes so far and cooked two dishes. =D

AND I'm developing this uncanny auntie-ness in me!
SCARY alright. Cuz I've been a regular customer to NTUC, Shop and Save and Sheng Xiong and.... Aye, you get the idea, right? :S

I'm already currently learning belly dancing, hehe, with Wanting and Jules.
I'm probably going to take up Driving soon.
But I'd really want to learn blading, tennis and jewelry-making.

OH YES! and PHOTOGRAPHY. (:
The trip down to SPH with the PeiHwa Media Club kids inspired that too.

Byran's, whose the resident sph photographer, pictures were reeeeeeeeeeally good.
(I'm not quite sure if the sentence above is grammatically sound.xb)
He really captured the essence of the photoes, the soul of it.

As he said "Colours attract the eye, but Black and white pictures attracts the soul".
It made sense really since if a picture stripped to its barest sense of images and yet
it is able to capture the mood and the human conditions from the photoes, it is a good one
which reaches out to our hearts and souls.

When he showed us the photo shots he did during the SARS period, it was really really dark and sombre. It made you feel teairng a little, quite sad really as he was able to recount the lives of the people whom he had taken pictures of and some of them actually sucummbed to the SARS virus and passed on.

SPH naturally gave the kids assignments to fulfill which was due on 21 May.

*note to self: Bryan's email is: byranv@sph.com.sg.
Do submit photoes to him if I ever get the inspiration and urge to do so.

Their assignment was to compile a photo essay about their favourite place/hang out.
Oh yea, in case, you're wondering, a photo essay is NOT a series of photoes that link to create a story. It is instead, a series of photoes that tell about the place. (:

AND... I really feel like trying to do this photo essay of....
*DRUM ROLLS

SERANGOON GARDENS!!! (:

I've not visited that place since I-don't-know-when but I'm ready too and it is still my favourite place for it evokes many mant sweet pleasant memories of the years before.

I think I shall attempt to do that assignment when I visit Serangoon gardens with Gerry on monday. (:

It's his FINAL SENDING OFF DINNER with me before he enters army. hehe. xb

AND he owes me stingray. =D

AND we shall go to ice^3.

AND the playground.

AND coffee bean.

Darn.

I doubt we have enough time. BLEAHS.

Anyway, life's been good and beautiful this year as oppossed to the immense emotional and academic stress I had in 2006 and well, yes the total b**** I was in the year before. X:

Ahh... Shall update more another day with a whole horde of photoes too.

ps: Pearly's right. My blog entries are always kinda toooo longish. LOL. what to do, Gerry calls me a writing whore. *frowns.

Cooking up a storm

2007-04-21T13:39:00.000+08:00

Jules and my birthday celebration at ECP. (:

2007-03-17T14:36:00.000+08:00

NUS open house

2007-03-12T11:12:00.000+08:00

We went to NUS open house today and met quite a few people.

Honestly, I didn't really feel the talks were useful.
I did wonder why did I even bother going down to NUS
when really I know what I want already...
AND the only course that appeals to me is FASS and I already know it!

Hehe, but we managed to make it another fun mini outing cuz we all took balloons and started playing with 'em like lil kiddies.

My balloon's orange and its so pretty! ;D
Kinda reminds me of childhood times too.

"To love is to let go" as Jules proclaimed so we eventually had to release our orange and blue babies. :(

See! The picture's gorgeous, innit? (:

Thereafter I had a good coffee chill out session with Ros at TCC in Bugis. =D

Hehe, a perfect end to a good day. (:

My 19th Birthday

2007-03-10T15:36:00.000+08:00

Here's a deluge of pictures on my birthday:

I'll do a running commentary along, lazy to do a detailed one.

I walked from Suntec to Central (Clark Quay), got lost and called Gerry for SOS.

Dinner at Fisherman's Wharf. OMG, the dory was so superb.

Make a WISH. =D

The Cake & I. xb
My Kind of dreamy lala land.
"Whats ur problem!?" Thats my ah lian friend and me. We're known as the "BIG ahem" and the "SMALL ahem". =D (insider joke) Miss Gwee and me.
Miss Jun and me.
HRMP! wanna fight! =x

And that ends the night on march 9 & yes, mr robot man too (hehe).

Pubbing session at Rouge

2007-03-08T15:19:00.000+08:00

"Love is..." EOL 2007.

2007-02-16T15:45:00.000+08:00

62A class gathering.

2007-01-03T15:06:00.000+08:00

Today's the 62A class gathering for my primary school mates. (:

We went to CHOMPS and Ice^3 thereafter.

Well, honestly it was heart-warming yet queer also on one extreme
cuz I'm so detached from everyone.

But the reminscence of the days that have long past was really funny.

And everyone's somewhat changed in appearance yet recognisable enough.

To give credits, I kop this picture from Yiling's friendster account. xb